Little fingers

Here we are, together, in this little room. Nice cool breeze from the heavy shower slowly ushering us to bed.

His little fingers pats my face, then running them through my hair while I'm nursing him. Suddenly, strong tugs, "Don't pull sayang, it's painful" I whispered. He directs his big round eyes towards me and smiles, like he understood. Not quite yet, cheeky little fingers, pulls mommie's hair again.

In these quiet moments, I feel blessed.

Blessed to be a stay-at-home-mom. It's all worth it. Resigning from a company where I've been with for the past 6 years, it wasn't an easy decision but somewhat easy.

Yes I was a FTWM (full time working mom). It felt good heading back to work after my maternity leave (on days when I'm not battling separation anxiety). All groomed up, independent, providing, and most of importantly I was ME again.

But I wasn't happy.

I did not get to spend that few extra minutes of lazing in bed with bubba and watch him as he rubs his eyes and peeks at me with a full blown smile.

It's too precious to miss.

One fine day, as I was nursing him, I told myself, this is what I want. To be here.
Its ok if we are tight for awhile.
Its ok if I'm home all the time.
Its ok if I put a hold on my career.
I want to be here, with bubba, all the time.

My man and I decided to give it a try. Let's see if we can work this out. We'll take one day at a time.

It has been 3 months since I left my job and I've never been happier.

There was definitely some lifestyle changes. We spend only on necessities, don't head out that often and I cook at home almost everyday.

I laughed at myself as I typed "I cook at home almost everyday". Trust me when I say I'm not homemaker material. With my background, I'm hardly in the same country for more than a week. Buying groceries was sometimes a waste, hence I did not stock up often. So cooking was always experimental, I would just throw in what ever I had.

Of course that was then.

Now at this moment, I lie here on our bed, watching him sleep and wondering what in the world should I cook for lunch.

Contented.

Kisses of sunshine from That Skinny

Elephant.