Breakdown

Ola everyone

How did your May go?

Besides the fact that I had an episode of breaking down, It was generally alright.

How many mothers out there has had a moment of feeling broken down? Totally lost it? Gone cray cray? Please somebody say yes just so I don't feel alone (even if you have not, haha). Doesn't matter if you are a full time working mum or a stay at home mum, I believe we have our own set of challenges.

It's times like these I'm feel grateful again for having people around me that I can relate to and re assure ourselves that it's okay.

It's okay to cry.

But what about mother's who have no support system?

I hope you will find this post of mine someway somehow, just so you know, you are not alone.

Let me share a scenario and how random these crying outbursts.

Scene.
Cleaning up after Bubs meal times 7 days in a week 3 times a day. That is wiping the table, high chair and floor with a wet cloth, then dry cloth, sometimes with anti bacterial wipes which will then need to be wiped over again because you don't want Bubs touching the chemical laden surfaces. Wash up Bubs. Do the dishes for the 100th time.

That's is just one activity I'm sharing.

Just try and imagine doing that everyday, with no breaks, or time for yourself, not even a the type of shower where you can gently rub facial wash on to your face without rushing.

One fine Saturday, while having my lunch with my dear husband and little Bubs, I just cried.

For reasons that I can't really explain because it sounds dumb saying it or typing it. There is so much more going on around the world. I felt guilty for even crying.

I think I really need some sort of real me time without feeling like I am a bad mother leaving Bubs for a little while or that I am so ignorant about how there are people suffering globally, with real problems!

Please understand that I am in no way complaining. He is my sun, I'd anything and everything for him.

I just need a break once in awhile. Simple as that. An hour or two is perfectly fine.

Have I mentioned that I have not had a pedicure or a massage or a proper spa since I was pregnant? Yeap true story right there.

Being a woman who woke up in a different country every week, who used to be spontaneous in life and independent (primarily in terms of finance & transport), this was quite a change. 

There are days that I got to take it all in and persevere (like pretty much the whole month of May), but most of the time I try very best to make time for myself with the support of my man, my dear husband.

The man is pretty exhausted with work too, so a little compromise has to be made. We try.

For example we have sandwich nights or take-outs when I want to lay off the kitchen and hug a pillow instead.

On days when I get time for myself, I do little things to get my sanity back. Making most of the time when Bubs is asleep. 

So how can we work this out? Having time for ourselves or creating a space to let loose a little without being judged?

1. Connect with minds alike

It is really helpful to have people around who are going through the same as you are. Talk to them and share your stories.

2. Join a group in Facebook

There are various groups created by mothers for mothers e.g. stay at home mothers group, breastfeeding groups, full time working mothers group and so forth.

I am in quite a number of groups, haha! When I go through the rants by moms, I sometimes laugh and realise how much in common we have with each other. 

3. Catch the sunrise

This is a little bit of a challenge for me sometimes, especially when I am exhausted. Waking up early really sets the pace for me. I get to do all his meal preps for the day, soak up the sun with some stretches, have a cuppa with the husband and relax. 

4. Get out

Playdates, malls, parks, anything! Just head out, have a little change of the environment, get some fresh air and tire your kid out with activites so he/she takes longer naps, hahah!!!

5. Find your muse

What gets you going? What inspires you? What interests you? I mean you, the woman not the mother. Do that. 

6. Create a routine

This is another thing I struggle with. I do not like doing the same thing everyday at a set time. However  having a fixed time for meals, naps, shower does help organize your day tremendously.

7. Meal planning

What to cook today? Sounds familiar? I ask myself that question all the time. Meal planning gets the work done fast cause you cam always do your preps earlier and you save time cracking your head on what to cook next thus having more time for yourself.

If somehow you are unable to do any of the above, retrieve your laundry basket and hide. Hopefully Bubs will be too occupied to notice.

Lastly, stop being so hard on yourself. (I like I how I'm writing this as a reminder to myself, haha!). Let those feelings out, promise yourself you will spend an hour a day just for you. Replenish that beautiful soul.

Kisses of space from That Skinny Elephant.

Little fingers

Here we are, together, in this little room. Nice cool breeze from the heavy shower slowly ushering us to bed.

His little fingers pats my face, then running them through my hair while I'm nursing him. Suddenly, strong tugs, "Don't pull sayang, it's painful" I whispered. He directs his big round eyes towards me and smiles, like he understood. Not quite yet, cheeky little fingers, pulls mommie's hair again.

In these quiet moments, I feel blessed.

Blessed to be a stay-at-home-mom. It's all worth it. Resigning from a company where I've been with for the past 6 years, it wasn't an easy decision but somewhat easy.

Yes I was a FTWM (full time working mom). It felt good heading back to work after my maternity leave (on days when I'm not battling separation anxiety). All groomed up, independent, providing, and most of importantly I was ME again.

But I wasn't happy.

I did not get to spend that few extra minutes of lazing in bed with bubba and watch him as he rubs his eyes and peeks at me with a full blown smile.

It's too precious to miss.

One fine day, as I was nursing him, I told myself, this is what I want. To be here.
Its ok if we are tight for awhile.
Its ok if I'm home all the time.
Its ok if I put a hold on my career.
I want to be here, with bubba, all the time.

My man and I decided to give it a try. Let's see if we can work this out. We'll take one day at a time.

It has been 3 months since I left my job and I've never been happier.

There was definitely some lifestyle changes. We spend only on necessities, don't head out that often and I cook at home almost everyday.

I laughed at myself as I typed "I cook at home almost everyday". Trust me when I say I'm not homemaker material. With my background, I'm hardly in the same country for more than a week. Buying groceries was sometimes a waste, hence I did not stock up often. So cooking was always experimental, I would just throw in what ever I had.

Of course that was then.

Now at this moment, I lie here on our bed, watching him sleep and wondering what in the world should I cook for lunch.

Contented.

Kisses of sunshine from That Skinny

Elephant.